Well, as you may have noticed I definitely did not keep up with my month long Halloween marathon. I watched plenty more throughout the rest of October, but instead of writing about it as I had hoped to, I let stress and laziness keep me from completing my goal.

There, I said it. It's me. I am the only reason that I don't write more than I do.

When people ask me what I want to do, the answer is always an immediate " I want to talk about movies." Whenever I watch a movie, good or bad, I immediately think about how I can write about it. Yet, I never seem to be able to bring myself to actually sit down and do it consistently. How can I expect to do this for a living if I can't even do it for a few hours a week when I'm not doing anything else anyways? I mean, I like movies, right?

The truth is, I do like movies. I love them. But the time I've spent in North Carolina has been hard. I could go on and on about how stupid and silly this state is and why Texas is better, but I've been there and done that. I'm in this state for one reason and one reason only. One amazing, beautiful, patient, and legally obligated reason. And believe me when I say it is absolutely worth it.

It's been without a doubt a life-changing experience. If we hadn't moved here, I wouldn't have tried to climb the latter at a local retail giant and had a brief experience with alcoholism (kidding, kind of). I also would not have made the decision to finally go to college and pursue my dream of becoming a film critic. And now, as I'm about to complete my first semester of college, I feel both fulfilled and empty. I'm glad to finally be doing something worth-while with my time here in North Carolina, but even with my new found sense of duty, I still can not bring myself to sit down and write about whatever movie I had watched the night before.

I've kept telling myself that movies are my comfort zone. That I need to watch movies, otherwise, no matter what, I could not be happy. Yet rarely do I put in a movie that I truly love, or have been dying to see in hopes of getting that feeling I desperately long for when watching a great movie. Instead, I put in something I've seen a million times while drunk or something I don't really have strong feelings towards one way or another.

That is, until about 3 weeks ago, when I got the absolute worst urge to watch There Will Be Blood. I can't tell you why it was this film in particular that crept into my brain so intensely, but what I can tell you is that I absolutely had to watch it ASAP.

So one day I sat down, ready to have my afternoon consumed with DDL,and as usual he did not disappoint. Yes, I had seen the movie before, so I knew it would be incredible. However, this particular viewing came as a huge relief to me. I had honestly forgotten what it was like to watch such a great movie, and to be totally immersed in a story so rich and compelling.

Even more amazing was the feeling I had after watching it. I felt relieved, like all the stress I was holding onto for whatever reason had washed away. All thanks to a great fucking movie.

I needed more.

Another obviously great film I recently purchased on Blu Ray was Pulp Fiction, a movie that I had somehow created a personal stigma against. I felt that I had seen it too many times, and that I needed a few more years of distance before I could enjoy it again.

WTF? I've seen Punisher: War Zone 3 times in a 6 month period, yet I can't handle Pulp Fiction twice in 5 years? Who am I? I had just reminded myself what it was like to watch greatness, and here I was, scared to witness it again.

But why? Why was I depriving myself? I'm sure there are reasons, mostly of the life variety, but honestly, I don't know why I would ever keep myself from enjoying great movies.

What I do know is that after three horrible holiday shifts at work, I finally said " Fuck it", and sat down to 154 minutes of Tarantino.

All was good.

Although I still couldn't bring myself to write about any of this.

Until, that is, I watched Mission Impossible III. I don't care if you hate Tom Cruise. I don't care if you think J.J. Abrams is overrated. MI3 is a great fucking movie.

Now, yes, a new Mission Impossible was on the way, and yes, I was about to go home to Texas for a week, and yes I was slightly tipsy on wine. But I was just so happy to be watching it. So much so, that I began thinking about why I wasn't watching movies that I love anymore, and more so, why wasn't I writing about them?

And you know, I couldn't think of a single god damn reason. Not a single valid excuse. I just wasn't doing it.

How stupid.

Granted, it's taken me a few weeks to finish this little diddy here, but I needed to go to Texas and re-energize. Luckily, I not only had an amazing time with friends and family, but I saw multiple movies and even found a little bit of inspiration.

I really want 2012 to be different. I really want to stay positive and enjoy myself. Three days into the new year and so far so good. I've watched Thor and Captain America within 24 hours and will end today with Hanna. Those are just warm-ups, though. I have the gifted funds to see multiple movies within the next few weeks, and I honestly intend to come back here and share my thoughts.

So, until then, suck it.